Alaysia Navor
  • Home
  • About Me
    • CKTV Media Productions
  • Blog
  • Inside Scoop
  • Projects
    • Quarter 1: Quadriplegic Painter
    • Quarter 2: Need For Foster Families
    • Quarter 3: Tumbling Towers PSA
    • Quarter 4: Media For Dummies
  • Resources
  • Archive
    • 2014-2015 Projects >
      • Quarter 1: Colored Placards
      • Quarter 2: Lanakila Kitchen
      • Quarter 3: Anti-Smoking PSA
      • Quarter 4: Music Video
      • STN 2014-2015
    • Past Inside Scoops

Script 1st Draft

9/3/2015

1 Comment

 
1 Comment
Mr. M
9/13/2015 10:16:32 pm

Ok, this is really good for just a first draft. I think your first two VOs need work though. I'm not feeling the intro too much. I like how you introduced us to him as an artist first. I'm glad you took that suggestion. I think the story works better with that as an opening. We can see his artwork first and then find out he's disabled. Remember that the viewers of Hiki No won't know where Ching Young Village is. Keep that in mind. You need to write the intro so that we don't have them asking, "Where is that?" Do you have any other interview with maybe a fellow artist or a customer that could maybe critique his work first? Then go into the sound bite from the parent that first mentions his accident. That second VO needs work too. I think it needs to be simpler. The next sound bite mentions it was in October. Because of that, I don't think you need to state it in your VO before that.

The whole piece seems long too. Have you tried to lay this out yet to see how long it is? I suspect it will need to be shortened. Let's get this on a timeline and see how long it is. Overall very well done.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Hi! This is my Quarter 1 Project page. Paperwork will be posted as my partner and I progress through the quarter. The final product will be published once completed.

    Archives

    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Home
  • About Me
    • CKTV Media Productions
  • Blog
  • Inside Scoop
  • Projects
    • Quarter 1: Quadriplegic Painter
    • Quarter 2: Need For Foster Families
    • Quarter 3: Tumbling Towers PSA
    • Quarter 4: Media For Dummies
  • Resources
  • Archive
    • 2014-2015 Projects >
      • Quarter 1: Colored Placards
      • Quarter 2: Lanakila Kitchen
      • Quarter 3: Anti-Smoking PSA
      • Quarter 4: Music Video
      • STN 2014-2015
    • Past Inside Scoops